She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
