I want to stick my p in your. b.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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