i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
