I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
