My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
