You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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