I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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