omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
