What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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