Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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