Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
