Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
