I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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