We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
