i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
