She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize