so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
