I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
