Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
