Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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