The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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