don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
