I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
