It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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