He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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