I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
