Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
