but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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