Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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