ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
