Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
