drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
