Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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