Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
