I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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