47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
