so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just cut my nipple shaving
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
