Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
