I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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