I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
