Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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