He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
