if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
