party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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