3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
