I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
