as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
