he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
