dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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