I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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