i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
