Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
