I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
