paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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