I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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